Joke time....

[dennis(hk97)]

KUWENTONG PINOY: ANG SALESMAN

Nung vacuum cleaner salesman pa ako, pumunta ako sa isang bahay sa aming
barangay. Kumatok ako sa pinto... Isang malaking misis ang nagbukas sa
akin. Pero bago nakapagsalita ang babae, inunahan ko sya. Mabilis akong
papunta sa sala nila para di na makatangi sa presentation ko.


Katulad ng utos ng boss ko, binuksan ko ang isang plastic bag ng SM at
ibinuhos lahat ng laman na tae ng kalabaw sa carpet. This was a technique
taught to me in selling to get a massive and immediate attention from the
buyer.


Sabi ko sa kanya w/ confidence: "Misis, pag di nalinis ng vacuum cleaner ko
NGAYON ang mga tae sa carpet niyo, kakainin ko isa-isa iyan!", ang yabang
ko.


"Gusto mo ng ketsup para diyan?", tanong ng babae. Sabi ko, "Bakit po?"


"Eh, kalilipat lang namin. Wala pa kaming kuryente." 

 

[dennis(hk97)]

MAHABANG KAHOY, POSAS, TURUAN NA ASO at SHOTGUN

Isang araw, pag gising ni Dennis, lumabas sya ng bahay at pumunta sa kanyang
garden kung saan merong isang malaking puno.

Laking gulat nya ng may makita
syang gorilya sa taas ng puno.

Sa sobrang takot eh, tumawag ng saklolo sa
Dept of Wildlife para ipahuli ang gorilya.


Pagkalipas ng 30 minutes, dumating na ang saklolo na may dalang MAHABANG
KAHOY, POSAS, TURUAN NA ASO, at SHOTGUN.

Dennis:  "bossing, ano ang gagawin natin sa mga dala nyo?".


boyTisoy (taga Dept of Wildlife) : "Ah, ganito ang gagawin natin,
aakyat ako sa puno, at tutusukin ko
yung gorilya ng kahoy para mahulog...

Pag nahulog na yon, yung dala kong
aso, (turuan kasi yun eh... at
pagbagsak ng gorilya), sigurado tatakbo agad yun at
kakagatin ang gorilya sa itlog.

Matindi ang training ng asong yan, itlog
agad ang puntirya nyan pag nahulog ang gorilya.

Pagkatapos nun, syempre ang
gagawin ng gorilya pag kinagat yung itlog nya, tatakpan nya yun, pag
nakatakip na yung kamay nya, pwede mo na sya iposas...
gets mo ba?"

Dennis: "ah, ok. pero teka... para saan ba yung shotgun?"

boyTisoy: "ah, yung SHOTGUN for emergency lang yan... pag AKO ang nahulog imbes
na yung gorilya............ BARILIN MO AGAD YUNG ASO!!!!!"

    

[neilski "mr.pogi"]

KUWENTONG PINOY: ANG SALESMAN

Nung vacuum cleaner salesman pa ako, pumunta ako sa isang bahay sa aming
barangay. Kumatok ako sa pinto... Isang malaking misis ang nagbukas sa
akin. Pero bago nakapagsalita ang babae, inunahan ko sya. Mabilis akong
papunta sa sala nila para di na makatangi sa presentation ko.


Katulad ng utos ng boss ko, binuksan ko ang isang plastic bag ng SM at
ibinuhos lahat ng laman na tae ng kalabaw sa carpet. This was a technique
taught to me in selling to get a massive and immediate attention from the
buyer.


Sabi ko sa kanya w/ confidence: "Misis, pag di nalinis ng vacuum cleaner ko
NGAYON ang mga tae sa carpet niyo, kakainin ko isa-isa iyan!", ang yabang
ko.


"Gusto mo ng ketsup para diyan?", tanong ng babae. Sabi ko, "Bakit po?"


"Eh, kalilipat lang namin. Wala pa kaming kuryente." 

 

 

sarap non. with ketsup pa.

 

 

[MikerG]

KUWENTONG PINOY: ANG SALESMAN

Nung vacuum cleaner salesman pa ako, pumunta ako sa isang bahay sa aming
barangay. Kumatok ako sa pinto... Isang malaking misis ang nagbukas sa
akin. Pero bago nakapagsalita ang babae, inunahan ko sya. Mabilis akong
papunta sa sala nila para di na makatangi sa presentation ko.


Katulad ng utos ng boss ko, binuksan ko ang isang plastic bag ng SM at
ibinuhos lahat ng laman na tae ng kalabaw sa carpet. This was a technique
taught to me in selling to get a massive and immediate attention from the
buyer.


Sabi ko sa kanya w/ confidence: "Misis, pag di nalinis ng vacuum cleaner ko
NGAYON ang mga tae sa carpet niyo, kakainin ko isa-isa iyan!", ang yabang
ko.


"Gusto mo ng ketsup para diyan?", tanong ng babae. Sabi ko, "Bakit po?"


"Eh, kalilipat lang namin. Wala pa kaming kuryente." 

 

haha ha ha !!! nagsimula naman ngayon ang kwentong  tae,  as in shit..tae. Capital  T...... a........e

tae


 


ayus yan sir Dennis   

[MikerG]

3 laseng.....naglalakad ng halos gumapang na sa sobrang kalasingan

BoyTisoy : mga pare hik! ....me tae hik!
Neislki: hindi yan tae, hik! tinapay yan! na peanut butter sa ibabaw  hik!
MikerG: teka...tikman nga natin kung tinapay nga...hik!
BoyTisoy: o sige, una ka neil hik!

tinikman nila nielski, mikerG at finally ni Boy Tisoy ang tinapay na may peanut butter.

BoyTisoy: hmmm....teka parang lasang tae eh?
Nielski: hik, palagay ko tae nga! teka, tikman ko nga uli...hmmm hik
MikerG: lasang tae eh...

tinikman uli nila, this time, medjo malaki ang kinain nila at sila'y sabay sabay na sumigaw!!

"TAE nga!!!!  Hik!!Buti na lang di natin naapakan!!!  aHiiik!


sabay nag appear yung tatlo at gumapang pauwi sa Riviera.

 

[neilski "mr.pogi"]

3 laseng.....naglalakad ng halos gumapang na sa sobrang kalasingan

BoyTisoy : mga pare hik! ....me tae hik!
Neislki: hindi yan tae, hik! tinapay yan! na peanut butter sa ibabaw  hik!
MikerG: teka...tikman nga natin kung tinapay nga...hik!
BoyTisoy: o sige, una ka neil hik!

tinikman nila nielski, mikerG at finally ni Boy Tisoy ang tinapay na may peanut butter.

BoyTisoy: hmmm....teka parang lasang tae eh?
Nielski: hik, palagay ko tae nga! teka, tikman ko nga uli...hmmm hik
MikerG: lasang tae eh...

tinikman uli nila, this time, medjo malaki ang kinain nila at sila'y sabay sabay na sumigaw!!

"TAE nga!!!!  Hik!!Buti na lang di natin naapakan!!!  aHiiik!

 

TAE nga.....

ayos toh pareng G.

ok toh ah.

buti nalang di natin natapakan noh.

 

 

[jabbar]

 

PARANG DINILAAN NYO NARIN PUWET NYO NON...
PERO ATLIS DI NYO NATAPAKAN MGA DUDE.


KAKAIBA TALAGA KAYO.

NICE ONE MIKER G-SHOCK

 
 

[dennis(hk97)]

mga lumang dyowks..

Nanay: Hala, sige, layas! Huwag ka nang bumalik dito sa bahay! Simula ngayon, huwag mo na akong tawaging nanay at hindi na rin kita tatawaging anak, naintindihan mo?
Anak: Sige dude, alis na ako.

Boy: Kukunin ko ang mga bituin at ibibigay ko sa iyo!
Girl: Shut up! Hindi mo nga makuha yang kulangot mo, bituin pa!
Boy: Ay sorry, hindi ko alam na ito pala ang gusto mo.

A priest at a church.
Lady: Father, ang gwapo at cute mo naman! Bakit ka pa kasi nagpari?
Priest: Dahil ayaw pumayag ng magulang ko na magmadre ako! Bruha!

Pedro: Alam mo, yung pusa namin, kahit nakalagay sa lamesa at walang takip ang ulam namin, hindi kinakain!
Juan: Maniwala ako?!
Pedro: Totoo!
Juan: Ano ba ang ulam nyo?
Pedro: Asin!

Boy Guwapo + Girl Ganda = Perfect Couple.
Boy Guwapo + Girl Panget = True Love.
Boy Panget + Girl Ganda = Galing Diskarte.
Boy Panget + Girl Panget = SUKOB!

Ama: Bakit ka umiiyak?
Anak: Pumasa po kasi ako sa test. Huhuhu!
Ama: Aba , magaling! Anong subject yun, anak?
Anak: Pregnancy test po itay!

Pedro: Ang tapang talaga ni Paeng! Biro mo, tumalon sa eroplano nang walang parachute!
Leo: Ohh, totoo? Saan mo naman nabalitaan yan?
Pedro: Dun sa burol nya!

Anak: Inay, ang galing ng titser ko.
Inay: Bakit naman?
Anak: Tinuruan kami ng kagandahang asal.
Nanay: Eh di marunong ka nang gumalang at magpo at opo?
Anak: Natural! Tanga ka ba?

TUKMOL: Sino sa inyo ang matapang? Lumabas!
SIGA: Ako, matapang ako, bakit may problema ka?
TUKMOL: Wala po, survey lang ho. Ngayon, yung duwag naman ang lumabas!

GF: Hayop ka, niloloko mo ako!
BF: Bakit, wala naman akong ginagawa ah!
GF: Anong wala? Nakita kita kanina, may kasama kang ibang babae,
magkahawak pa kamay nyo! Niloloko mo ako!
BF: Makinig ka muna... hindi kita niloloko, maniwala ka... Yung kasama ko
kanina ang niloloko ko!

[Limahong]

mga lumang dyowks..
Anak: Inay, ang galing ng titser ko.
Inay: Bakit naman?
Anak: Tinuruan kami ng kagandahang asal.
Nanay: Eh di marunong ka nang gumalang at magpo at opo?
Anak: Natural! Tanga ka ba?

Anak: Natural! Tanga po ba kayo?

 ... ina-apply lang yung natutunan  (jk lang po)

[Vinz]

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.

Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that
would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father. He
asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in
favor of it. The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining

that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced
before.

But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor
to go head and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine
to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine.

The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how
well he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50%. The
husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously

helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer

ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain.

She and her husband were ecstatic.

When they got home, the mailman was dead on the porch.

[notzkie]

  funny !hahahahah!

Q. anong bansa ang mahirap?

A1. POORtugal

Q. Ano pa?

A2. ah...SingaPOOR?

(ennnggggg!!!!.......corny nito..tsk tsk...tsk)

hehehehe.......

Chinese-Pinoy Names

Born during the night - Andy Lim

Born blind - Kenneth Sy

Born being swindled - Lino Co

Born while cooking - Nilo Toh

Born as 10th child - Sam Po

Born while being courted - Lily Gaw

Born fat - Bob Uy

Born little - Kathy Ting

Born different - Eva Yan

Born with porridge - Lino Gaw

Born looking for someone - Allen Sia

Born during Sunday - Lyn Go

Born with malice - Mali Sia

Born angry with someone - Ally Tan

Born with picture - Lara Huan

Born with sweets - Ken Dy

Born undefined - Sam Ting

Born while taking a bath - Lily Go

Born not to take a bath - Dinah Lily Go

Born while buying - Bill Li

Born secretly - Tina Go

Born ugly - Kaw Yan

May reklamo ka??? - Nath Ting (hehehehe mas cony yata ito.... ngeeeeeeeeekkk...

[oblak]

A PINOY LAB STORY

Bing, a beautiful Filipina fell in love with Edong.

She planned to marry very soon. She was so happy about her wedding
plans, she decided to tell her Tatay (dad).

Her Tatay told her, "Bing, you'll have to find another. Your Nanay
(mom) does not know this, but Edong is your half-brother" .

So Bing forgot about her Edong, and soon planned to marry Ricardo.
But after telling tatay again, he said, "Bing, anak ko (my child),
there's trouble still. You cannot marry Ricardo. Please don't tell
your mother, but Ricardo and Edong are your half-brothers. "

Bing had no choice but to go to her Nanay. Nanay already knew and
said "Anak ko, do what makes you happy. Marry Ricardo or marry
Edong, because you are not related to Tatay."

WHAT A BEAUTIFUL LOVE STORY.... 

[neilski "mr.pogi"]

Lawyers jokes


A guy is visiting San Francisco, and walks into a small store in
Chinatown.

He notices a small bronze statue of a rat.

He asks the owner "how much", and the owner replies "$50 for the bronze
rat, and $1000 for the story behind it".

The guy says, "forget the story", and buys the rat.

As he's walking down the street he notices two live rats following him.
As he continues to walk, more rats start following him.

He starts to get a little concerned, and heads for the waterfront. By
the time he gets there there are thousands and thousands of rats
following him.

He walks up to the end of the pier and throws the bronze rat into the
bay, and the rats all follow and leap off of the pier and drown.

The guy rushes back to the store and walks in. The owner says, "Ah!, so
your back for the story".

The guys says, "no, I was wondering if you have any bronze lawyers?"

[neilski "mr.pogi"]

Chinese Operator


Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan?

Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.

Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!

Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?

Caller: I'm Sum Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.

Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?

Caller: Well, just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother, Noe Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now, Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.

Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital from the accident, that isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!

Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?

Operator: I'm Saw Lee.

Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!

[neilski "mr.pogi"]

everage Choice Meanings for Men and Women
A number of bartenders were asked if they could predict a person's personality based on drink they ordered. Their answers were very consistent:

Female Drinks
She orders: Beer
Meaning: Casual, low-maintenance, down to earth.
Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.

She orders: Blender Drinks
Meaning: Whiny, annoying, high maintenance.
Approach: Avoid her unless you want to be her cabin boy.

She orders: Mixed Drinks
Meaning: Older, more refined, very picky; knows exactly what she wants.
Approach: You won't have to approach her. If she is interested, she'll send you a drink.

She orders: Wine (other than White Zinfandel)
Meaning: Conservative and classy. Sophisticated, yet giggles.
Approach: Tell her you love to travel and spend quiet evenings with friends.

She orders: White Zinfandel
Meaning: Easy. Thinks she is classy and sophisticated. Actually clueless.
Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is. This should be an easy.

She orders: Shots
Meaning: Likes to get totally drunk... and naked.
Approach: Easiest hit in the joint. You have been blessed this evening. Nothing to do but wait.

Male Drinks
He orders: Domestic Beer
Meaning: He's poor and wants to get laid.

He orders: Imported Beer
Meaning: He likes good beer, isn't poor, and wants to get laid.

He orders: Wine
Meaning: He's hoping that drinking wine will make him look sophisticated and help him get laid.

He orders: Whiskey
Meaning: He doesn't care about anything but getting laid.

He orders: Tequila
Meaning: He's thinking the toothless waitress looks good.

He orders: White Zinfandel
Meaning: He's gay.