Joke time....

[PaPerDoll092201]

HOW COME ALL THE GUYS WANNA GET LAID??? WHAT ABOUT THE GAY GUY?? HEHEHE

[Don Xiexie]

... they simply lay by themselves ...


book bokbok boook!!!

[SoyTee]

how 

[SoyTee]

ah!!! ibibitay yun thing nila, then tututok sa....

never mind 

[Don Xiexie]

... creativity.

thy name is Soytee. 

[SoyTee]

  cre-A-tee-vee-tee 

jowk time!!! 

[neilski "mr.pogi"]

One beautiful December evening Pedro and his       
 girlfriend Rosita were sitting by the side of the   
 ocean.                                             
                                                     
 It was a romantic full moon, when Pedro said,       
 "Hey, mamacita, let's do Weeweechu."               
                                                     
 Oh no, not now, let's look at the moon!" said       
 Rosita.                                             
                                                     
 Oh, c'mon baby,
 let's you and I do Weeweechu. I     
 love                                               
 you and it's the perfect time," Pedro begged.       
                                                     
 "But I wanna just hold your hand and watch the     
 moon." replied Rosita.                             
                                                     
 Please, corazoncito, just once, do Weeweechu with   
  me."                                               
                                                     
 Rosita looked at Pedro and said, "OK, one time,     
 we'll do Weeweechu."                               
                                                     
 Pedro grabbed his guitar and they both sang.....   
                                                     
 "Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry     
 Christmas,                                         
               
                                     
 Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New       
 Year."                                             
                                                     
 MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!                               
                         

[neilski "mr.pogi"]

The Rat Statue Joke

A tourist wandered into a dimly-lit old San Fransisco antiques shop, down in china town. Perusing the shelves, he discovered an amazingly life-sized and life-like bronze sculpture of a rat. He had to have it and asked the shopkeeper how much it cost.

"$12 for the rat," said the shopkeeper, "and $500 more for the fascinating story behind it."

"Old man, you can keep the story," the tourist replied, "but I'll take the rat."

As he left the store with the bronze rat, two live rats emerged from the sewer and started following him. The tourist looked over his shoulder and began walking faster, but more and more rats started following him. As people pointed and shouted the tourist started to seriously panic...

Walking faster and faster he soon began to run as the rats appeared from old abandoned cars, basements and sewers. He ran as fast as he could to the waterfront as millions of squealing rats kept up with him. With his last bastion of strength he scrambled up a lampost and with all his might
hurled the bronze rat far out into the bay, whereupon the squealing rats surged over the breakwater into the sea and drowned.

Gathering himself together, he trundled back to the shop, "Ah, so you've come back for the rest of the story," said the shop owner with a wise grin.

"No," replied the tourist,

"But I was wondering whether you carried bronze lawyers?"

------------------------------------------------
Intelligent Blonde?

2 sisters, a blonde and brunette inherit the family ranch, but after a few years hit money troubles. To stop reposession they have to buy a bull so they can breed their own stock.

With only $600 left, the brunette heads west to a ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale. Upon leaving, she tells her sister "When I get there, if I buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive
out after me and haul it home."

Arriving at the ranch and inspecting the bull, the brunette decides to buy it and the man tells her it'll cost $599. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send a telegram to her sister informing her of the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pick-up truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."

The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word."

With only $1 left the brunette realises she can only send 1 word, but after thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send her the word, 'comfortable' " The operator shakes is head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pick-up truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, 'comfortable?'"

The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. She'll read it real slow. - Com-for-ta-ble"

----------------------------------------------------------

The Final Exam

At Aberdeen Uni, 4 sophomores were taking Biology. They had done brilliantly in labs, on practicals and tests, with each having an overall 'A' grade so far during the semester.

They were so confident before finals that they decided to head down to Edinburgh College for a big party with some mates. A great time was had by all, to such an extent that they slept all Sunday, and didn't make it back to Aberdeen till early Monday morning.

Rather than take the final then, they decided to find the Professor after the exam and explain their trip, how they had planned to be back in time to study, but unfortunately had a flat tire on the way home, didn't have a spare, couldn't get help and thus missed the final.

The Professor thought it over, agreed they could take the exam the next day, and the guys were lightily relieved. That night they studied hard, arrived the next day, where upon the professor placed them each in separate rooms. Handing them a test booklet he told them to begin.

Looking at problem 1, worth five points, "Cool", they thought at the same time, each in his separate room, "This will be a cinch."

Each finished the problem 1, turned the page and found written:
2) [For 95 points]: Which tire?

[dennis(hk97)]

Just wanted to say Happy Easter to all PHKers.. (nabuhay pong muli si DHK  )


Erap to Cardinal Rosales:  Bakit po Cardinal hanggang ngayon galit pa sa akin ang simbahan?
Cardinal:                       Erap, ang simbahan ay walang favoritism...lahat ay pantay-pantay.
Erap:                            Eh bakit po merong Sabado de Gloria, Domingo de Ramos at Sagrado Corazon, eh dati naman po akong Presidente.
Cardinal (after a careful thought):  Ah, ok...mula ngayon, yours will be associated to Ass-Wednesday

[jabbar]

FIRST DATE

At the end of their first date, a young man takes his favorite girl home.
Emboldened by the night, he decides to try for that important first kiss.

With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and,
smiling, he says to her, “Darling, how ’bout a goodnight kiss?”

Horrified, she replies, “Are you mad? My parents will see us!”

“Oh come on! Who’s gonna see us at this hour?”

“No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?”

“Oh come on, there’s nobody around, they’re all sleeping!”

“No way. It’s just too risky!”

“Oh please, please, I like you so much!!”

“No, no, and no. I like you too, but I just can’t!”

“Oh yes you can. Please?”

“NO, no. I just can’t.”

“Pleeeeease?…”

Out of the blue, the porch light goes on, and the girl’s sister shows up in
her pajamas, hair disheveled. In a sleepy voice the sister says: “Dad says
to go ahead and give him a kiss. Or I can do it. Or if need be, he’ll come
down himself and do it. But for crying out loud tell him to take his hand
off the intercom button!”

[neilski "mr.pogi"]

Martha: Mare, pwede ba, dito muna ako sa inyo? Lumayas ako sa amin.
Kasi, buntis ako.

Guada: Dapat, sa taong nakabuntis sa 'yo ka
pumunta!

Martha: Kaya nga rito ako pumunta, eh. Nandiyan ba si pare?

*****************************************************

may isang pangit na dalaga na humiling sa kanyang Fairy Godfather.Sabi
ng pangit na dalaga, "Ninong Fairy, may mapa ako rito ng Amerika. Dalhin
mo ako roon para matagpuan ko ang gwapong lalaki na magmamahal sa
akin." "Hindi pwede!" tugon ng Fairy Godfather. "Dito lang sa Pilipinas
gumagana ang kapangyarihan ko!""O, sige," pag-ayon ng pangit na dalaga,
"Maging ordinaryong tao ka na lang at pakasalan mo ako!"Sagot ng Fairy
Godfather, "Patingin nga uli ng 'tang 'nang mapang 'yan at baka magawan
ng paraan!"

*****************************************************

Sa isang restaurant

*RUDOLF: Hot tea, please!
*NICOLAS: Ako rin, hot tea!
Make sure malinis ang baso.
Pagkaraan ng limang minuto
*WAITER: Order
n'yo, dalawang hot tea. Kanino nga 'yung malinis ang baso?

*****************************************************

ANAK: Nanay, ano po ang ulam natin?
NANAY: Tingnan mo na lang sa ref natin.
ANAK: Parang wala naman tayong ref, 'Nay!
NANAY: Ibig sabihin, wala
tayong ulam!

*****************************************************

PEDRO: Ano ang mas mahalaga, pera o asawa?
JUAN: Syempre, pera! Kasi,
ang pera, habang tumatagal, lumalaki ang interes. Ang asawa, habang
tumatagal, nawawalan ka ng interes, tapos, inuubos pa ang pera mo.

*****************************************************

 

[neilski "mr.pogi"]

T: Ano ang pinakamasakit na maramdaman kung matanda na tayo?
S: 'Yung paggising mo, tapos, pagtingin mo sa tagiliran, matanda rin ang iyong
katabi.

**********************************************************

JUNIOR: Inay! Bibili ako ng HIGH CAKE!
INAY: Hindi iyon high cake, anak, HOT CAKE!
JUNIOR: Kahit ano pa siya, pahingi na lang po ng barya!
INAY: Kumuha ka na lang sa SOLDIER BAG ko!

**********************************************************

MISTER: Isa sa mga bata ang kumuha ng pera sa pitaka ko!
MISIS: Sobra ka! Ba't mo pinagbibintangan ang mga bata? Malay mo, ako?!
MISTER:Siguradong hindi ikaw! Kasi, may natira!

**********************************************************

REPORTER: Ano po ba ang nangyari?
IMBESTIGADOR: Ninakawan ang opisina ni Congressman Curacot.
REPORTER: Malaki siguro ang natangay. Ngayon ko lang
nakitang nagalit nang ganyan si Congressman Curacot.
IMBESTIGADOR: Maliit lang. Pero talagang ganyan ang buhay. Ang magnanakaw, galit sa kapwa
congressman!

**********************************************************

MISTER: Alam mo, kahit lasing akong umuwi, hindi naman ako
maingay.
MISIS: Hindi ka nga maingay, pero 'yung dalawang bumuhat sa 'yo,
maingay!

**********************************************************

Naglalakad ang dalawang lasing sa riles ng tren*
LASING #1: Pare, ang hirap nitong hagdan ang daming steps!
LASING #2: Hindi lang 'yan, pare, ambaba ng hawakan!